January 24th, 2011

before I send this, what do you think of this email to my tutor

Hey Sue
I'm emailing because I'm finding this hard to deal with or talk about on the phone, as I can't say what I really think. I have been saying for months I am not planning on coming back to college, and every time I speak to you, you manage to make everything sound reasonable and talk me round.
I've tried calling the finance department, but there is no reason for them to give me free tuition, and I don't think they ever will.
I'm also extremely unhappy about having to lie or bend the truth about my college going. I haven't been since the day I enrolled, which I only did as you asked me to, and I don't like having on record that I have been when I haven't. I also feel that Ian's disability is being used as a reason to keep me on the books, which I'm very uncomfortable about.
I appreciate the help I got at college last year - my course for the year was paid for as I was on Employment Support Allowance for my mental health, and I got my AS level. However, I already have a degree, and have no real need to finish my access course, as I don't plan on doing any more further education. I have not got anything for nothing out of the college, and I do not want to have to deal with getting bills every month any more, and being told I must pay as I have been attending, when I haven't.
My self-employment is going very well, and I really don't need the hassle of ringing admissions and finance when I have no real desire to get the course for free, as I do not need the course. It seems the only reason for me continuing to be on the enrollment is for your numbers, which is unfair to me.
I did not sleep last night worrying about having to lie to official people, and this is what made me realise how unreasonable this situation is. I don't like telling white lies, especially not when I'm not getting any benefit from them. I know we talked 'off the record' which just makes me feel even more uncomfortable - I feel like I'm being manipulated, when I'm sure that is not what you are trying to do.
I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I certainly understand your situation, and I would hate the two year access course to get scrapped as it's a wonderful thing. I'll defend to the hilt the right for people to choose a one year or two year course. However, I cannot defend the course by lying to the finance department and giving myself more work in the form of essays and so on. I just cannot allow my mental health to suffer for the sake of the access course when it's on shaky ground already.
If you could gather together my work from last year, I will ask Claudia to pick it up and bring it out of your way. I believe there are some sketchbooks for your course and Val's in my drawer in the classroom, and a few paintings from Val's course, but all my 3D work is at home.
Thank you