March 11th, 2010

(no subject)

AM at college, who is already the same size as me (just a bit taller), wears more or less exactly the same clothes, and has more or less exactly the same personality has now dyed her hair the same colour as mine. She swears she was trying to get it a lighter pink, but it's magenta, and we look a bit ridiculous. Bernadette already thinks we're the same person.

I am currently making a life size skeleton out of socks for college. I'm not sure this fulfills the brief yet, but boy do i love sewing socks.

I also got 3 projects marked now.

3D work (the egg stuff and those odd boxes and stuff) - merit, bordering on distinction
Printmaking (screen prints and the stuff on letterforms) - distinction
Painting (that weird thing with the naked woman) - merit

The first two tutors told me how I could make my work better. Val, the painting tutor, who is the most annoying person I've met (apart from marria) didn't give me any clues as to what I could do better. I'm trying to be ok with this for my mental health, which is surprisingly easy, because everyone who asks what mark I got then says 'How the fuck am I going to get a pass when you only get a merit?' or something along those lines, IE they make it about themselves and how low he's marked them so I stop thinking about me, and worrying about them instead.

Saw K yesterday, and we discussed what's going to happen when I see the new CPN i've been assigned. We spent an hour writing down what concerns me about my mood, emotions and behaviour. She's going to type it up and send me a copy, which might end up getting scanned in here, as I'm sure it'll be enlightening (even though I tell everyone everything anyway) - I also think it will make a good piece of artwork. It's very random, but the key things are my guilt and culpability feelings, my paranoia, and my mood swings. K is still talking about me being cyclothymic, and she wants me referred for DBT.

We're going to Worcester tomorrow. Unfortunately we feel a bit like shit because I've got a cold and Ian has a bladder infection. I missed college today, and I rang in sick for the charity shop tomorrow because I think there's nothing worse than working on a till and hacking all over everyone. I've been sick a few times from coughing so much. Now, this could be 'quitter's flu' if it wasn't for the fact I had a cigarette this morning. I'd already been up all night coughing, so I was awake at 6am. By 8am, I'd been sick twice coughing, so I gave in and had a cigarette. This didn't do anything to stop the coughing, either straightaway or later on, so I think it is actually a cold, and therefore I can go back to not smoking. It's not excuses I promise. As long as I stop smoking by my birthday, I'm happy with that. I'm preparing myself to fail a couple of times, and for it to take longer than I want it to.