Having a bad day. Therapy cancelled again tomorrow and I broke down at college. I was already feeling shit and just waiting for my appt to talk to K about it.
I've noticed my mood crashing but we hadn't discussed coping techniques yet. When I paused smoking I started scratching myself again, and my dark thoughts were worrying me as well as the return of violent dreams, over responsibility feelings and feeling like I'm a failure.
Realised maaya annoys me so much because she's going to get to do an art degree and I'm not, because I was stupid when I was 18 and didn't want to compete with my brother. So i've wasted 10 years and my higher education allowance doing something useless.
Ian says we can afford for me to do an art degree but I can't keep sponging off him. I thought maybe I'd go to college and find I wasn't good enough, but this is the only future I want now. I'm the one that's made my own life difficult - so I hate myself at the moment, this time with reason.
Does anyone know a millionaire who might fund an art degree?