February 8th, 2010

failed ice cream

blue

I'm feeling blue today. I nearly cried earlier on in the job centre, and ended up scratching my hand instead.

My painting is going well, but the rest of the students are fucking me off so much, it's making me not want to go to college which is stupid. Crystal won't stop whinging about her college sketchbook which hasn't been marked yet. I asked today why she's so concerned about it. it turns out that she thinks someone is going to steal her book and nick her poems and get them published and paid for. This is ridiculous - because the tutor has the sketchbooks at home to mark them, and also her poems aren't that good. i can say that on here, because it's locked from the outside world who don't know what a fucking fruit loop i am.

Maaya is still the most annoying person on the face of the earth. She was moaning today about how she's not going to get the painting finished, and also moaning that people at college don't understand the stresses she has at home. She lives with her parents, and sometimes has to look after a foster child. her mum doesn't work though, so it's not very often. And that's it. she doesn't worry about a mortgage, or bills, or providing food, and she also has the time to go in to college every single day - no one else has the time to do that. 10 out of 15 students have children, one of which has 5, 2 people lost parents over christmas, over half of the people work and the rest are probation, single parents, or complete headcases.

Bernadette also told me today she's bisexual and some other stuff I'm not repeating here about a girl touching her. she also told me she hears voices. Then on the way out, I found Kathryn crying in a corridor, so I had a chat with her about what's going on at home.

it was just like being back at fucking work. Why do i take on all this stuff?