March 1st, 2007

(no subject)

i am very lucky that my personal trainer at the gym understand my foibles (probably because he has his own)

he wants me to fill in a food diary as he's concerned i'm not eating enough on some days, rather than just eating too much all the time. he also knows that i can get a bit weird when i have to look too much at what i eat. last time i filled in a food diary at the gym, the instructor was very judgemental cause i had 15 mini eggs and a pint of lager on a friday night after working out for 2 hours. i thought i was well entitled to that, especially counting the damn things, but as she'd never had a weight problem and had learnt everything about food and nutrition on a course, i didn't really care what she thought of me anyway. lovely lady though. so the next week i tried so hard to not give her anything to judge me about, that i end up reverting to fasting/bingeing/purging. so i stopped going to weight management

so gav told me in no uncertain terms he isn't going to judge what i eat, he's just going to look at whether i'm eating enough at the right times. i don't even have to write down how i'm feeling at the same time, which is what i usually have to do with counselling when i end up going. he also weighed me and let me not know how much it said, cause if i see how much i weigh that sets me off as well.

as i kept saying at our review meeting - i am such a fruit loop it embarasses me. still at least i can be honest with him. and he can tell me all about his obsessive compulsiveness, which i noticed and commented on, so now we're all ok with each other's neuroses it's great fun trying to decide who's more strange. i'm not even sure it's me any more to be honest...

i don't even really know why i'm blogging this. maybe so i have on record when i started my food diary again in case anything goes awry